Let me give you an update on my wife, Yaffa/Jennie....I know I have said I'd call some of you but I've been tied up with other things, trying to get various things in order and taken care of.

I did another wound/dressing change tonight and I am amazed how incredible medicine is today. We change the dressings every two days and even in just two days, the healing is visible. The wounds are closing quickly, draining, and coming along even better than expected. The pain, unfortunately, ranges on the scale between 5-7 when it's bad but she's got pain medicine if it gets bad enough. She does not like taking it however...

While this healing will certainly take its time, I absolutely believe that since she is fighter, has taken steps to better health and has not allowed some of the outside stresses effect her. She is indeed, fighting this thing with brute force and although I've been with my wife since 1992, even I've learned she is stronger than I knew and that's saying something. Working in nursing care facilities for 13 years is not easy...

We are also having a Hanukah blast here. Each night as we gather around the menorah, say the brocha and light the candles, we thank G-d for we also pray,


Quote:
"...these lights we kindle upon the miracles, the wonders, the salvations, and the battles which your performed for our forefathers, in those days, at this season, through your holy priest.

During all eight days of Hanukah, these lights are sacred and we are not permitted to make ordinary use of them but to look at them in order to express our thanks and praise to Your great Name for Your miracles, Your wonders, Your salvation."



As we entered this the holiday of Hanukah, we were reminded of so many of the things HaShem has done for us. We remember the miracles HaShem has poured out upon our people in the days of old and we look for ways to be lights to the nations and to the world today.

I am reminded of a lesson about the true meaning Hanukah, aside from the miracles. I am speaking of that of rededication. At the time of the Macabbean victory, the Beit HaMikdash and the altar inside were rededicated and it is my opinion that at this time of year, we can also make our personal rededication to what we feel is in order.

As many of you know, my wife was 30 hours close to death had it not been for a team of doctors who looked after her, cared for her, and gave her every moment of attention and not because she was one of their own, among nurses but, that she was a very ill woman in need of more than medical this and that....she needed to be comforted during times of fear....and in those times, when I too, was afraid but trying not to show it.

She needed to be told everything would be alright when my eyes would convey worry even though I tried to convince her otherwise. As my wife and I look back on these past few months, perhaps longer, we think to ourselves, what is it that we have done to deserve so much trial and testing, worry, loss, illnesses that we'd hoped to never see in mom, our daughter walking out on us and with no explanation, and so much more. Not that we're complaining, mind you....just wondering, what was all of this about/for...is there a lesson that we've missed if so, what will come next to tell us?

I think I may have overthought all of this however....maybe it's not supposed to be some mind-blowing lesson. Maybe it was meant to teach us how to truly appreciate what we have and by that, I mean in ways we'd never think of. If this was indeed, the lesson, have we ever learned it. But there's more....

Avraham endured ten trials that in no way compare to ours and there is something to be learned in how he dealt with each one. His dedication to HaShem was without fail. His dedication to integrity, knowledge, wisdom, and bringing that to others was also, without fail. From my doctor who said this to me today, "it is your dedication to Torah and to G-d that has carried you this far so, continue as Avraham did and your wife, your family will be fine."

Comforting words and another lesson to be learned.

During this time of year we are also reminded to spread the lamp of a mitzvah and the light of the Torah, and, as we read here...
For a commandment is a candle, and the Torah is light, and disciplining rebukes are the way of life.
Mishlei/Proverbs 6:23
...we see that once again, more lessons....

As my wife and I are going through what is most definitely our darkest times, most worrisome and filled with stress, we know that this is not enough.

Hanukah also means to do as above even despite what my wife and in turn, what we are going through...as I help her go through it.

For example, as I've sat here writing this email, I have heard my wife crying in pain....taking a shower. The hot water entering her wounds, no matter how much pain medicine, is excruciating and to hear her cry, to see her tears, I am so, so very helpless. All I can do is help to wash her as instructed by her surgeon and hope I'm doing as I've been told. Beyond wanting to be the one feeling that pain rather than my precious wife, this is all I can do....I feel so helpless during these times. Deep inside, I know I'm helping all I can but....

This is also, in some ways, uncomfortable for me as well...

In this helplessness, we are to be lights and as the verse tells us, "rebukes are a way of life..."

Indeed.

Rededication means a lot of things but for my wife and I, it means a rededication to our efforts to becoming better Jews, better parents, better spouses, learning patience, and ultimately, being able to look back on our lives and, with G-d's help, and not having any regrets or feeling as if we've failed in any of these.

Rededication for us, this Hanukah means taking a step back and delving into the places we know we've avoided because of how hurtful some realities may be...or, they may only appear to be this way and until we do take a look, perhaps we should not be feeling so guilty....and not knowing exactly why. Perhaps not...

In closing, our rededication to you, our friends, people who, in one or another have helped with kind words, prayer, guidance, phone calls checking on us to see how we're doing and so much more, is also something we've discussed. If I have given anyone the feeling that I've been ignoring you, not keeping you informed enough, please know that it is only because of how busy I've been but that is easing up some over the last day or two.

From me personally to any of you I've offended in any way, if I've wronged you in any way over the last few weeks, I offer up no excuses. Stress should not have such a profound effect on a person when his words become volatile and for this I truly do apologize.